Losing someone

Losing someone through them passing away or even different choice of lifestyle and have gone separate ways

Since no one else has started this one off really, then I think I will set the ball rolling...

I lost someone on the 26th November 2014. To some people this wouldn't of given me a reason to grieve considering I was only this persons carer, but none the less this affected me a hell of a lot more than I originally anticipated.

Her name was Phyllis Cecilia Taylor, she was 93 years old and she was my best friend. Regardless of the little time it took me to get to know her, she was always more than just a name on a MAR chart to me. This woman was an absolute inspiration, she gave me hope into thinking that anything was possible and that I too could lead an amazing life if I put my mind too it. 3 and a half years passed and with every waking moment that I spent with this truly amazing woman, my love for her grew more and more.

and then it happened, on the 12th of November, my Phyllis had a stroke. The worst feeling in the world as humorous as it sounds to some, seeing a familiar pair of bed socks in view of the open ambulance door. Finding out Phyllis had a stroke was hard enough to swallow as it is, but having to deal with the possibility of not having her home was something that I didn't want to contemplate at all. for 13 days out of the 14 I was there every single day, before a night shift, after a night shift, days off and having to spend such a limited time with her because of visiting hours didn't make this easier I was so used to having basically unlimited time with Phyllis that I really regretted not utilizing my time with her more efficiently and I felt like I had failed her because I was unable to keep so many promises to her.

Everyday I was watching Phyllis deteriorate as much as I was used to seeing this at work, the love I had with Phyllis made this more than work it was like seeing a member of your family potentially lying in what was then her 'death bed'.

on the 25th November, this was the last time I saw Phyllis. She had been moved into her own room, taken off of her Drip, and now placed on 15 minute observations. I had already planned to go out for dinner with my girlfriend so along the way I thought I would pop in and see her before going out for food. She wasn't conscious (well I wasn't aware she was conscious) I sat there with her for about half an hour maximum trying to keep my cool, so that my girlfriend didn't see me as a complete blubbering idiot, but none the less that failed. I said my goodbyes to Phyllis. Whispered into her ear these words 'You will always be my best friend. I am proud to of known you, and even more to love you' and with that as cliche as it sounds she opened her eyes. Typically she has the most impeccable timing and had to wake up when I was about to leave but this gave me the reassurance I needed to know that she was still able to hear what I was saying.

26th November 2014 21:46pm.. the dreaded phone call had a occurred and Phyllis Nieces had given me the call to let me know that she had slipped away peacefully in her sleep.

As I had mentioned previously she's always been more than just a name and a number to me. I was never fully aware of the capacity to which you can love someone until I met Phyllis and because of her, I now know what it is to love someone and to feel love in return. I feel completely honoured to know that she was an important part of my life and that I was also an important part of hers. I thank my lucky stars every single day that I met her and I will never, ever forget her. I will always cherish the moments I spent with you Phyllis, always. And the one thing that I want to say to you, is thank you for understanding who I am, and thank you for ignoring all of your own morals for me. For that alone I respect you. I hope that wherever you are Phyllis, you're looking down on me and that you're proud. I made a promise to you, and if you know what I'm writing now, you know what that promise is.

Well that's my ramble over, for 3 months I've dealt with this grief and I've no idea how long into the foreseeable future that I will continue to do so, but hopefully this will be the start of my closure.

Hlinfield93 wrote:Since no one else has started this one off really, then I think I will set the ball rolling...

I lost someone on the 26th November 2014. To some people this wouldn't of given me a reason to grieve considering I was only this persons carer, but none the less this affected me a hell of a lot more than I originally anticipated.

Her name was Phyllis Cecilia Taylor, she was 93 years old and she was my best friend. Regardless of the little time it took me to get to know her, she was always more than just a name on a MAR chart to me. This woman was an absolute inspiration, she gave me hope into thinking that anything was possible and that I too could lead an amazing life if I put my mind too it. 3 and a half years passed and with every waking moment that I spent with this truly amazing woman, my love for her grew more and more.

and then it happened, on the 12th of November, my Phyllis had a stroke. The worst feeling in the world as humorous as it sounds to some, seeing a familiar pair of bed socks in view of the open ambulance door. Finding out Phyllis had a stroke was hard enough to swallow as it is, but having to deal with the possibility of not having her home was something that I didn't want to contemplate at all. for 13 days out of the 14 I was there every single day, before a night shift, after a night shift, days off and having to spend such a limited time with her because of visiting hours didn't make this easier I was so used to having basically unlimited time with Phyllis that I really regretted not utilizing my time with her more efficiently and I felt like I had failed her because I was unable to keep so many promises to her.

Everyday I was watching Phyllis deteriorate as much as I was used to seeing this at work, the love I had with Phyllis made this more than work it was like seeing a member of your family potentially lying in what was then her 'death bed'.

on the 25th November, this was the last time I saw Phyllis. She had been moved into her own room, taken off of her Drip, and now placed on 15 minute observations. I had already planned to go out for dinner with my girlfriend so along the way I thought I would pop in and see her before going out for food. She wasn't conscious (well I wasn't aware she was conscious) I sat there with her for about half an hour maximum trying to keep my cool, so that my girlfriend didn't see me as a complete blubbering idiot, but none the less that failed. I said my goodbyes to Phyllis. Whispered into her ear these words 'You will always be my best friend. I am proud to of known you, and even more to love you' and with that as cliche as it sounds she opened her eyes. Typically she has the most impeccable timing and had to wake up when I was about to leave but this gave me the reassurance I needed to know that she was still able to hear what I was saying.

26th November 2014 21:46pm.. the dreaded phone call had a occurred and Phyllis Nieces had given me the call to let me know that she had slipped away peacefully in her sleep.

As I had mentioned previously she's always been more than just a name and a number to me. I was never fully aware of the capacity to which you can love someone until I met Phyllis and because of her, I now know what it is to love someone and to feel love in return. I feel completely honoured to know that she was an important part of my life and that I was also an important part of hers. I thank my lucky stars every single day that I met her and I will never, ever forget her. I will always cherish the moments I spent with you Phyllis, always. And the one thing that I want to say to you, is thank you for understanding who I am, and thank you for ignoring all of your own morals for me. For that alone I respect you. I hope that wherever you are Phyllis, you're looking down on me and that you're proud. I made a promise to you, and if you know what I'm writing now, you know what that promise is.

Well that's my ramble over,  for 3 months I've dealt with this grief and I've no idea how long into the foreseeable future that I will continue to do so, but hopefully this will be the start of my closure.

Hannah, I know that losing Phyllis was a heartbreaking time for you. Time is the biggest healer although the pain will never vanish it will get easier. Phyllis was also lucky to have known you, someone who loved her like a member of her own family.
You done everything you possibly could for Phyllis and believe me Hannah she was thankful and still is thankful. She is always with you Hannah, always. xx

Thank you beautiful xx

Hlinfield93 wrote:Thank you beautiful xx

Don't mention it I am always here for you babe xx